


Derelicte (My Balls)

by Switch842



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-22
Updated: 2012-05-22
Packaged: 2017-11-05 20:11:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/410534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Switch842/pseuds/Switch842
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto take on Zoolander.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Derelicte (My Balls)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for angstbunny. And I blame this [entirely on her](http://angstbunny.livejournal.com/547920.html).

They're all drunk. Like, really, really stupidly drunk. Like 2 beers away from having alcohol poisoning drunk. But it had been a few months since the whole gang had seen each other and they felt like celebrating. 

Karl had called everyone together since he was actually in town for once and they had met up at some trendy bar in downtown LA. There was this stupid platform running down the middle of the whole place. All lit up from underneath. There were beautiful women on parade all night up and down the thing. It was practically a catwalk.

The music was pounding, the booze was flowing, laughter filled the air. Suddenly the beat changed and an old classic started playing.

_They told him don't you ever come around here  
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear  
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear  
So beat it, just beat it_

As one, Chris and Zach stood up and started dancing as sexily as two white boys with absolutely no rhythm could dance. Zoe fell to the floor, she was laughing so hard. John and Anton were clinging to each other for dear life. Karl meanwhile just whooped it up and started waving dollar bills around in the air. Suddenly, he started chanting:

"Walk off! Walk off!"

Slowly the rest of the gang caught onto his cheer and joined in. The people around them heard what was going on, looked over and joined in the chant.

Chris and Zach just looked at each other. The glowing catwalk was only 10 feet away, they were completely out of their skulls, so, why not? They shrugged and then hopped up on the stage to cheers of the entire bar.

The DJ even got in on the act announcing, "And we have a walk off, ladies and gentlemen! Please turn your attention to the center stage where these two fine young men are about to exhibit what is sure to be their exceptional skills!"

"Age before beauty, goat cheese," Chris said to Zach.

"Whatever," Zach replied walking to the back of the catwalk.

There was a brief pause while Zach gathered himself and schooled his features. Then, he set off down the runway like a man on a mission. He shed his jacket along the way, whipped off his tie and undid the top three buttons of his dress shirt. He reached the end and struck his best Blue Steel.

The crowd went wild!

Zach turned to Chris who had taken his place at the back giving him his best "bring it on" look. Chris just nodded in response and started on his way.

In the grand tradition of Zoolander, Chris started by copying Zach's moves. He got rid of the jacket and tie, tossing them into the crowd willy-nilly. But instead of stopping with three buttons on the shirt, he got rid of the whole thing, leaving him in nothing but his dress pants and wifebeater. 

The crowd flipped their lids. Money was being tossed on stage; men and women were waving their hands trying to get a piece of the two men.

Chris finally reached the end of the runway, stopping just in front of Zach, arms out to the side and leveling him with his best stare.

Zach couldn't hold it in anymore and collapsed on the runway in a fit of laughter. Chris dropped to his knees joining his friend in the hysteria. 

Eventually, the two men composed themselves enough to stand up and take a bow to their captive audience. The hopped back down and rejoined their friends to a series of high fives and backslaps.

"That was worth the cover charge right there, boys," Karl said.

"I'm glad we could entertain you," Chris replied. "It's my sole purpose in life now, you know."

A round of drinks was brought over on the house along with Chris and Zach's missing clothes. They redressed, much to the disappointment of Zoe and others around them.

"Aw, baby, why you have to do that?" Zoe whined.

"Sorry, sweetcheeks," Zach said with a wink. "Don't want to have to deal with all the fainting tonight."

Zoe sighed. "I suppose you're right. But I do get a private encore later, right?"

"Anything for you, honey," Chris added kissing her cheek.

Yeah. This was one night they wouldn't soon forget.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> In case you need a reminder, [click here](http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/110241/Zoolander-Walkoff.html) for the original.


End file.
